how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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