I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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