margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Porn is love you can see.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
