Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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