Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
