please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
