Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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