I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
