1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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