wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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