I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
