guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
