i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Drunk is not a location!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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