I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just invented taco cereal.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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