Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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