You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
