Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize