you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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