I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
