I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
