The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I forget how to act sober
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