My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
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I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
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So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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