If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
