If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
