I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
