i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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