im drinking this country out of the recession.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
