So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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