I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
