This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
