And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
