i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just puked most of my soul out..
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
