Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
