im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
