Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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