Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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