do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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