i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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