I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
