I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
