the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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