Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
