areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
