I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
