And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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