I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
