i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Porn is love you can see.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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