Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just had sex on a roof
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So here I am, sexting at work.
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