Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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