i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
