do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
