Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
