Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
