my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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