You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Randomize
