My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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