Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I want a musical about memes.
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