here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
