oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
