I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
