Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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