The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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