so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
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I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
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Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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