Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
