why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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