Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
