The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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