Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
