Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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