Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
