Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
