I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
