at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
