I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize