he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
