I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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