I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So many bounce houses so little time
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
