I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
worst night to have a conscience
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
