I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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