Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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