It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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