It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
