He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.