I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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