I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?