i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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