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• (240): View more from Maryland

  EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.

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  25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF

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• (315): View more from New York

  Hello wreck, this is your train calling.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.

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• (949): View more from California

  I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.

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  27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.

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• (310): View more from California

  So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  The power of my boobs compel you

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