I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.