yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Why are you drunk at the library?