Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
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I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
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Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.