Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
